Last thoughts for now on Brotherly Love

I have been sick the past couple of weeks so have not been as prolific at writing as I should be. It has helped me be more empathetic toward those that are chronically ill. But it has also made me a bit forgetful about what has been going on.

So where was I? Right, brotherly love and my friends that lost a brother in law that while he was gifted and talented and in many ways had the perfect life was instead given to abusing his family in unspeakable ways and a massive abuser of drugs and alcohol. In most ways a wasted life.

But out of the abuse my friends had to learn to love in ways I am not so sure I could do. Then out of that ability to love has come an ability to use that hurt to know the hurt of others and to minister to them in ways that one without that pain and suffering could not know as personally as they do.

They have for a number of years been able to be involved in a special ministry to other ministers who themselves are hurting both from current hurts and past hurts. And out of that ministry so very many are able to heal and mend themselves and so able to then use the same type of healing to help even more people that have been through abuse. Back to learning from the scars that we each have in our lives.

So two thoughts that are always true: 1) If you have a belly button you have a problem and 2) Hurting people hurt people.

But it is not what you have to act in these ways, rather it is what you choose to do with those problems and hurts that will either make you a better person or a person that hurts others.

I know it is hard to believe but even those of us in ministry have our own hurts and struggles in life. Just because we have a special calling from God in our lives doesn't mean God takes all the hurt and pain away from us. I wish... but what we, what I choose to do with these is up to me. How I grow and help others is up to me.

I confess that the past couple of weeks being sick has not helped me be the most kind and gentle person in the world. But I know had I not learned some of these lessons and been trying to be who God desires for me to be... Well suffice it to say it would have been worse. (that is where at the least you are to give a wee chuckle).

Let brotherly love continue:  How is it in your life? Are you growing despite the hurts and the problems or are you the cause of hurt and problems in the lives of others? My prayer is that you are growing... 

Still learning,

Rev. Jon Bergen

Still working on love...

Let brotherly love continue: yeah that is easy—when life is good and the relationship is healthy, but what about when abuse takes place. I mean what kind of loving god allows that stuff anyway.

I have friends in Delaware that shared their story with me not too long ago. Her brother had just recently passed away, but he was not one of the good guys so the story was hard to tell yet revealing about how we can grow past even the most awful situation as we find our place with God secure. 

The story is one of a great looking guy that was clever and sociable to the point of “able to sell ice to an Eskimo“. He married at 16, had lovely babies and home but the path went from successful looking to the life of an alcoholic drug addict that abused his family in unspeakable ways both physically and sexually. When it came his time to die it was almost a relief to family that knew the truth of the story. This was one of the scars I mentioned a couple of weeks back. 

The time came to scatter the ashes on the Atlantic shore and the memories that flew by in my friends’ conversation were in the end reminders of love rather than the hate deserved. Memories of a life wasted and ruined leaving ashes in his wake. The reminder that good looks, money, influence and talent are not what really matter in the life is ended. 

The story as I got it went like this: “My wife and I stood on the shore's edge together. The only ones present were her nephew (the son now fully grown and living hand to mouth), her baby brother and his wife, and myself. Well, we also had the ashes of her dead brother in a plastic container enclosed in a clear plastic bag. Missing were his wife, his daughter, his mother, his dad and step mom, and a host of people who claimed to be his friend (as long as he could supply the drugs, booze, and women).”

He continued: “We each said a few memories about him and the son struggled to open the bag. Soon he had the ashes thrown to the wind to be carried into the water's caress. A gray cloud of mucky remains floated on the waves and mingled with water and the sandy bottom. The son cried, "You're free now... you're free!" With that we left and returned to the car and headed back to my father-in-law's home.”

Yet even knowing that her brother was such a rotten person my friends’ thoughts had turned earlier to the question of what about eternity. Despite the pain and hurt of the years it was a ‘brotherly love that overrode it all and her prayer was that somehow maybe, just maybe before it was too late the love that had come to her own life from Jesus would somehow find a place in her brother’s life and death.

Not sure I am able to be that way just yet, but my prayer is that I grow to that kind of love. Jesus the incarnate God came for the sake of love for you and me, yet I struggle some days to model it well. How is it in your life?

Stay tuned,

Rev. Jon Bergen